A Fairy Tale for Big Girls – 12. chapter

Mark opened the chamber door, waited for Lili to step inside, and closed it. He did not look at her. He only motioned gently for her to sit on the bed. She obeyed at once. When he knelt before her, her whole body began to shake. He noticed and lifted his gaze. She drew her head down between her shoulders and waited, frightened. Only then did he realize that what he saw in her eyes was not anger or defiance, but terrible fear.

“Lili,” he said, startled.

“Yes?” she answered immediately.

“Sweetheart, I am not angry with you,” he tried to soothe her.

He wanted to stroke her face, but when he reached his hand toward it, she flinched sharply in fear. His eyes widened. He slowly lowered his hand. He understood that anything he did now would frighten her even more. He was not certain that was even possible, yet he chose caution. Without a word, he fastened the chain back to the bracelet around her ankle.

He stood, but he did not want to look into her eyes. He could not bear to see what was in them again. He turned away, crossed to his table, and sat.

“Try to get some sleep,” he whispered. It sounded almost like a plea.

She lay down on the pillow at once and pulled the covers over herself. She was used to sleeping naked, but always when he commanded it. This time, he had given no such order.

He stared at the table in silence. There was no trace of anger left in his face.

Lili tried to slow and steady her breathing. She lay still beneath the covers, too afraid to move.

He heard how fast she breathed. He waited a long time for it to pass, and all the while her look stayed before his eyes. He felt awful. He had expected her anger. He had missed her willing mood. But it had never occurred to him that she would begin to fear him. And certainly not this much.

Even after an hour, she had not fallen asleep. He heard her shift in the bed.

“Lili, undress if you are too warm,” he said, without looking at her. She climbed out of bed immediately and did as told. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“That was not a command,” he said quietly. “I only thought it might be more comfortable. You are used to sleeping without clothes.”

She said nothing and slipped back under the covers.

“At supper I was still looking forward to stroking you,” he said softly. “Now I am afraid to come anywhere near you. When I see that fear in your eyes. Fear of me.”

She remained silent.

“Try to calm yourself, if you can.”

He glanced at her carefully and instantly regretted it. She was still watching him in terror. He looked away.

“I swear I will not come near you tonight.”

He did not wait for an answer.

Sleep would not come to him, yet he could not focus on work either. He pulled out a sheet of paper and began to draw.

Before long, there was a soft knock. Mark hesitated, but he knew Lili was awake, so he allowed the visitor in. The door opened only slightly. Lili could not see who had come. Martin stood there and silently showed Mark a tray with fruit and wine.

“That is a good thought. Thank you,” Mark agreed. “Set it by Lili.”

Martin closed the door behind him and crossed the room. On his way to Lili, he saw her watching him in enormous fear until she noticed what was on the tray. Martin noticed and frowned hesitantly, set the tray down, and went to sit beside Mark.

“May I ask what is happening?” he said quietly.

Mark drew a deep breath and answered quietly without looking at him.

“I beat Elena… With a whip.”

“You should have done that long ago. And?”

“Lili was standing behind me.”

Martin understood at once and raised his brow. He glanced briefly at Lili, then leaned closer to Mark.

“How did that idea even occur to you?” he whispered. “What did you think would happen?”

“I don’t know,” Mark whispered the truth.

“If you were not my ruler, I would say you are an idiot.”

“I know that too,” Mark said with a desperate look.

Martin shook his head helplessly and fell silent.

“If you did not know what had happened,” Mark realized after a moment, “why are you truly here?”

“To chat.”

Martin tried to sound casual, but Mark knew him too well.

“…You saw it, did you?”

“No. But I saw the kind gesture Elena made to Lili behind your back.”

Mark looked up, questioning. Martin repeated the gesture. Mark clenched his teeth and shot a look at Lili. She pressed herself deeper into the pillow, holding her breath, so he looked back to the table instead.

“I should have given her more,” he muttered through his teeth.

“You would probably have killed her.”

“That probably would not have troubled me.”

Martin shot him a look and nodded subtly toward Lili. Mark glanced at her briefly and fell silent. Then he spoke, calmer.

“So you came to provoke a conversation. To make Lili tell me the truth before I uncover it myself. Because you know she would pay for it.”

Martin answered only with a faint smile.

“You know the proper thing would have been to come straight to me and tell me what you know.”

Martin shrugged and waited tensely for Mark’s reaction. Mark studied him for a moment, but did not grow angry.

“Very well. At least someone truly protects her here,” he said to the table.

“She’ll get over it, certainly,” Martin tried to reassure him.

Mark did not answer, so after a while of mutual silence, Martin left.

Mark forced himself not to turn toward Lili. He thought for a moment, then chose to continue his drawing.

Some time later, he heard her draw in a breath with her mouth open. As if she wished to speak. He became alert. She fell silent. After a few minutes she tried again, and finally whispered,

“What… what punishment awaits me?”

He turned to her.

Surely she doesn’t think I would do this to her…

“For what?” he said aloud.

“I lied to you as well,” she whispered.

He breathed in and tried to sound calm.

“I will not punish you for today.”

“Why?”

“Many reasons. You did not know how much lying bothers me. You did not know exactly how I respond to it. You did not lie for your own gain, but so you would not hurt someone else. Though I must say that even so, I am very angry with you, and I will not tolerate it again. And above all,” he finally looked at her, “I would never beat you like that. You are special to me.”

She did not believe him. He could see it. So he continued instead.

“I have always known Elena frightened the other women and ruled them as if she were their mistress. I did not care. She did what I wanted. She is skilled in my bed. I ignored it. But to terrify poor Sara so deeply that she took blame for something she did not do, that I will not allow. I knew in the hall that it was Elena. But you chose to conceal it, and I had no other proof.”

He watched Lili think. She was no longer trembling. Her breathing slowed.

“Not only did she lie to my face again and again, she wanted to leave Sara to take the blame. And most of all, she laid hands on you. That I will never permit.”

He knew she would not answer.

“Sleep, please,” he ended quietly.